| wheee!! |
[Nov. 20th, 2007|12:48 am] |
It's 3 AM and I finally say
I'm sorry for acting that way
I didn't really mean to make you cry
Oh baby, sometimes I wonder why
Why does it always have to come down
To you leaving
Before I'll say 'I love you'?
Why do I always use the words
That cut the deepest
When I know how much it hurts you?
Oh baby why, do I do that to you?
I know I'd never let you walk away
So why do I push you 'til you break?
And why are you always on the verge of good-bye
Before I'll show you how I really feel inside?
Why does it always have to come down
To you leaving
Before I'll say 'I love you'?
Why do I always use the words
That cut the deepest
When I know how much it hurts you?
Oh baby why, do I do that to you?
Why do I always use the words that cut the deepest
When I know how much it hurts you
Oh baby why, do I do that to you
Why do I do that to you?
Why, Jason Aldean
ok, so it's really more like 130 AM, and as far as i know i never have and never will do this with someone. down and out in the first floor lounge with someone watching Happy Feet. which kinda makes me miss Amber. and it's kinda making me remember that stupid accident where kyleigh and tanner died, cuz we went out to see this the day after that happened. so i'm loving the PA state...except that it fucking SNOWED all sunday and monday!!!! stupid weather. haha so my sleep schedule is officially destroyed. got a few hours saturday morning, slept on the bus to and from DC, but it was kinda rough and interrupted. did the all night movie thing on saturday night, let laura go to bed and did laundry, caught an hour of sleep while my clothes dried, then went and saw 12 Angry Women with Amandanders. then Amanda made corned beef hash with eggs, it was really good! then we watched a few movies, then we ordered pizza and Laura came out after Adri came down, didn't sleep all night, then went to classes yesterday morning. haha i don't really remember what happened in my classes...there was some talking and possibly some math in the mathy class. possibly. then went up to Adri's for a while to keep her company while she finished off the math project and mourned her not alive anymore fishes. takin care of her room while she's gone, so i'm thinkin maybe buy her a few fish while she's at home. slept after she went to lunch with someone. i meant to only sleep for half an hour, 45 minutes because we were gonna get her fish at 230. i woek up at midnight, blew off a lot of people unfortunately, which really makes me feel bad, but i needed those 11 hours. haha tomorrow's gonna be awesome and really sucky at the same time. i got used to having someone out in the lounge at all hours of the night so i can try to say what's on my mind but end up sitting in a comfortable quietness. it's kinda nice, i haven't had someone i could just sit comfortably with in silence for a while. i always feel the need to talk or say something when i'm with someone. ok, not kinda, it's really nice, and i just wish i knew what was going on in my head. i've been freaking out and even now my hands are shaking like crazy and i'm spooking at every sound. like if someone comes down a hall or opens a door i'm jumping and watching them. dunno what's wrong, feels like a panic attack or something, but not quite bad enough yet. makes it a hell of a lot better if there's someone with me that i can lean against, but that don't happen a whole lot, so i deal.
and now the movie's gettin good, and i'm kinda gettin tired of typing soo....maybe after thanksgiving i'll write again.
peace out dudes |
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| fucked... |
[Apr. 7th, 2007|04:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | ...on the couch | ] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | Lonestar | ] |
so as wrong as it sounds, this is the safer place to post right now. been just keepin a journal on my hard drive, but she has access to that. god i'm in trouble...a few kinds. i'm smoking now cuz it's makin me feel damn good, so my life is in danger from Amber, Kristin, and a few others who're tryin very hard to throttle me when i get a fag between my fingers. good thing i move fast when high i should choose a weaker cig but i like Parliament originals when i can bum them. i'm in love with my best friend, who's unfortunately straight and spending every fucking minute with me. and leading me on without really knowing it...or she's playing with me and she's just a huge bitch. but yeah, made a new friend. who turned quickly into a best friend by way of spending every minute we can together cuz neither of us likes our families and both of us love pool. so we find pool halls around us and just shoot till we can't anymore. she can go longer just cuz i get all pissed easily and wail on the fuckers while she hits real easy. and until she makes a mistake i lose all the time. so Cigarettes, Amber...i got a full ride to college. i'm going to Italy for 3 weeks this summer. going on a whale watch with school in 2 weeks which i still haven't paid for. discovering that for all the shit an old friend was right and guy's jeans and boxers are a helluva lot more comfortable than girl's jeans and nothing. went to a Lonestar concert with that girl, and of course she can't drive. and we had to choose a concert in Atlantic City 3 hours away. and this is me, who can't navigate out of a paper bag. and the road we had to take was shut off by the cops due to a huge ass fire. concert let out at 11:30, it took us half an hour to find the car and get out of the parking lot, mostly cuz she was talking to her skanky ex that i hate and i wouldn't let her in the car. then it took another half hour to get out of the city and onto the parkway. there i discovered that my piece of shit car can do 90. it can't stay at 90, but it can hit 90. and hitting the rumble strip at that speed is fuckin scary. spring break all week...yay.
pretty sure that's it. i'm goin out to my pool hall with my cue. 20 oz, celtic cross design on the shaft, completely custom, completely mine. the artist has the only other copy, and it's not the same. maple i think. $250 value on it's own cut down to $225 with a case and thread protectors. 3 months to pay for it and now it sleeps on the pillow next to me in its red leather case. |
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| 9 words |
[Dec. 30th, 2005|09:10 pm] |
|
i'm a certified EMT. and i'm on the squad. |
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| National Registry |
[Nov. 21st, 2005|11:06 pm] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| |  nervous | ] |
the National Registry exam's tomorrow. anyone have any tips on what to study or how to manage the limited time? muchly appreciated if yea, if nay...still pretty muchly appreciated. i think i needed to type that out, i still can't believe that i passed all of the tests for every module on the first try. still kind of in shock. oh, but the good kind, not the kind that needs serious treatment. but yeah...thanks for any help.
~Chris~ |
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| Walshy! |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|09:26 am] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| | scared | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | kerry talking... | ] |
lol i went to my locker, totally innocent, and Walsh was giving his lecture on Yukon Cornelius! y'know, the dude from puppet Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer? lol so he started singing. oh god, the memories. the MEMORIES! AAAAHHHH!! ok, so his voice is pretty good and deep, but still...bad memories. it means they were talking about...umm...something. |
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| spain?! |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|08:35 pm] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | Kenny Chesney | ] |
my spanish teacher just offered the coolest thing ever. a trip to Spain this summer! how sexy would that be? dude, Spain sounds awesome! i mean, i wanted to go to New Hampshire for a training course in nature rescue, and Ohio for..well, true love, but Spain! that's just fuckin' bitchin! i mean, i'm sure it's only a few weeks, and..well, i'm not sure about ohio trip, or even if i have anything to go to when i get there, but the New Hampshire class is only 2 weeks long. and i can live in my car if i have to. i'm flexible and i can get comfy in uncomfortable sitches. so yeah, my big announcement was Spain, and it's announced, so i'm gonna go buh bye now
~amor es querer estar siempre contigo~ |
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| what the fucking hell?! |
[Oct. 6th, 2005|11:00 am] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | blood boiling | ] |
dude, this fucking bites. i woke up, did my morning routine, and went out to the car i hitch in with, noticed that the lights in my camry were on, told grandpa, and went out. looked at the car...it's fucking destroyed! someone got into the back seat, smashed the window out from inside, put a huge ass dent in the top and hood, and threw a little pumpkin through the back window-broken- to break the front windshield. my fucking car's totaled, and i'm pretty sure someone from the school did it. i mean, pumpkin? totally high school-esque. the worst part is that there were a few thousand dollars worth of clothes and items for the hurricane refugees in the back, and it's all gone. fuck the loser who did it...before i remove anything that could be used to reproduce. *snarls* if anyone knows who did it? tell me. please. i want to know what kind of monster steals from people who already have close to nothing, and causes at least $10,000 worth of damage to my car, when i don't really do much to them.
there is no love in me right now, just anger. |
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| *snarls* |
[Sep. 13th, 2005|06:48 pm] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| | fucking pissed! | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | snarls in my voice | ] |
hurry hurry hurry! come see the fight of the century go down in little old Long Valley! tickets are limited. in this corner, the reigning champine! weighing in at exhausted and extremely short tempered and irate, Chris! and the challenga, weighing in at completely irrational and incomprehending, Her Mother! the fight: The PSATS!
*snorts* y'all just missed a mega fight. i figured out today that i can't take the PSATs because i have to go to EMT class on Saturday October 25 from 7-12, when the test is. if i miss that class, then i have to go to another one on a tuesday or thursday night after missing a bigass lecture on that saturday, not knowing what in the hell is going on on Sunday, and if it takes more than a week, then just being completely confused and thrown off for my test. THIS is my future. this is her fucking tax money, 600 god damn dollars, going into my education so that i can save people's asses, and she wants me to fuck all of that up so that i can take a test that i already took an got a damn good score on! what the fuck?! if i don't make up the class that i miss, 3 lectures scheduled for that day, then i don't get my license and 600 bucks just went down the drain, completely wasted. if i don't take the PSAT? big deal, i already have a good score and i can take it again next year. so who do you all think is right? should i risk screwing over getting my EMT license and take the PSAT, or should i not take the PSAT and get the info that could help me save your lives? |
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| dude! |
[Sep. 5th, 2005|07:55 pm] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | some kinda weird music... | ] |
lol i'm totally loving myspace! it's so awesome, they have all kinds of shit that lj doesn't have. like games, and searching for someone by their real name...i tracked down cols and BB and an insane number of people from school! lol not that i'm stalking or anything...never knew that Col wasn't totally straight, and yet there she is in that pic, doing something that's not totally straight *grins* oh well, not like i see her anymore now that i quit track. she doesn't do the visiting the school thing, just the visiting the track girlz thing...and i'm not anymore *growls something about fuck up coaches* checking for lennon and a few other buddies of mine as well...robz, jazzy, a few others...later, and PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK!!!! i'll be good! i promise! 7 days of school is too much, i'll fail everything! *cries* i'm already overwhelmed, and school ain't even started yet...i'm slipping back into a southern dialect, something i never do...shame of my accent and all that. y'don't go through years of being called a rebel, fed, redneck, and other less nice things without getting a few scars and learning some lessons...i guess west morris is gonna hafta deal with an old southern girl this year.
~amor es querer estar siempre contigo~ |
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| mwahahahaha! |
[Sep. 4th, 2005|10:45 pm] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | Kenny-sexy tractor song... | ] |
know what i just realised while stalling my homework more by watching gone in 60 seconds again and wondering how it would be to have s...er, try one of the things that they do in that movie? i'm an upperclassman. well, woman, but...upperclass. now i can legally torture the ickle froshies while feeling little to no remorse about it. not that i did last year with the arrogant one, mind, but this year it seems more...ok. i mean, the juniors when i was a frosh were fucking bit...oh fuck, most of you were juniors when i was a frosh. umm...they were very nice, never gave me any problems and i loved and still do love them all and i'm gonna go away and shut up and hope that i don't wake up dead in my bed in the morning and I'M SORRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| *grins happily* |
[Sep. 2nd, 2005|04:06 pm] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | Be As You Are | ] |
i have found the love of my life once more. we've been separated for years, but they haven't changed a bit. a name?
Ramen Noodles. beef flavored. |
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| heh |
[Aug. 31st, 2005|05:42 pm] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | Amican Hi-Fi | ] |
*leans back, grins* guess who looks fucking sexy in scrubs? white and dark blue are totally my colors.
*********************************************
later. much
*********************************************
wow. y'know what i just found out? people are totally hypocritical. i mean, not everyone, but some people...i mean, they can yell and cry about how someone hurts them so badly, and how they just want out of whatever's making them miserable. and then they just turn the fuck around and do it someone else. i'm sick of it. i'm through. seriously. you play like that, you can fuck the hell off and go take what you're giving. if you're gonna go hurting someone, then go back to the person that hurt you, because the person that you're hurting doesn't deserve to be hurt. what you give, you deserve, so go take a dose before you go giving it out.
fuck you, bitch. |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2005|06:44 pm] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| | scared | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | Bon Jovi-Love Is A Social Disease | ] |
lol i'm in a world of shame right now at the way my mind works...so grandpa ordered a laptop for me because...well, because i'm getting 3 or 4 lectures a day, i can't write half as fast as i type, and i'd like to pass the $600 college course that's getting me college credits XP so yeah, weird mind...grandpa said "i'm getting you a Dell" and the first thought that went through my mind? do you know what it was? it was *covers face* 'dude, i'm getting a Dell!' *groans* my mind is starting to scare me... |
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| heeeellllp meeeee!!! |
[Aug. 19th, 2005|06:33 pm] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| | irate | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | Mountain Dew bubbling | ] |
I'm stuck. trapped.
cold. alone. defenseless.
hopeless. helpless.
i'm trapped, and i can't get out
there's no handle to this door.
no key to unlock it.
it's sealed shut, i can't get out
there's no escape. help me escape?
there's no way out
no way to get help.
the rain is falling on my head.
wet. oh so wet. it's running down my face
like tears, falling for nothing.
all i have is myself, and my voice
and the voice is fading.
it's small, unnoticed in the big world
i'm small and unnoticed in the big world.
help me get out?
yeah, i know, someone's rolling her eyes and saying "what's wrong now, and how do we shut her up?" *sniggers* nope. i was actually locked in somewhere that didn't have a keyhole, or any way out. *snorts* only i could lock myself into the dog cage outside. lol yeah, so i went out to feed them, i closed the door behind me and thought that i just used the lock inside the door like i always do. i unlocked it and let go of the door (it's one of those hook in the loop thing locks) and it didn't swing open like it normally does. lol it was locked from the outside. and they had broken the string that unlocks that latch from the inside years ago. lol so i did the only thing i could. shout for help until my voice died, realise that no one can hear me over the rain, and then i managed to loosen a bolt enough by rocking against the door so that i could get my arm through the space and let myself out. all of this happens while i'm being attacked by 2 furry missiles bent on licking me to death. not that i blame them. i am kinda cute and lickable...^^; right, so...did a thing only i could do and locked myself in a cage for half an hour. and fuck my family for taking a picture of me mud spattered. i'm burning that camera before it ever reaches a developing agent. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2005|12:39 am] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | Pantera and tears | ] |
normally i don't like posting more than once a day, much less 3 times without making at least one private, but technially it's tomorrow, and i just really don't care. i saw this on my friends page and started crying...i know none of you care, no one's a major metal fan, and the one that lives in long valley pretty much thinks it's a load of bull that i'm this upset over someone i never met personally, but...
( Dime...*starts crying* ) like i said, i know none of you give a fucking damn, but... *shrugs* it means something to me. i've seen the Vulgar Video, and i've seen all of this. but...i'm still signing on and doing it. it may make me really sad, but...*sniffs, wipes away tears* i want to. so yeah, enough on a subject no one gives a fuck about, i guess...no one but me, and from what people say, that amounts to no one. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 16th, 2005|08:22 pm] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| |  groggy | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | random kiss songs | ] |
i'm such a fucking idiot. i woke up at 7:30 and thought "fuck! it's 7:30 in the morning! i slept for 16 hours!" then i saw PM on the clock, and was like "shit! it's been 28 hours!" then i realised that it was still tuesday and thought, "ok, 4 hours." this is the extent of my genius. my proclaimy thingy for the day: more than 4 pills of Advil is bad. really bad for the head. i tried to cure my headache and ended up making it a bit worse. *nods* there be my word for the day. |
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| awww!! |
[Aug. 14th, 2005|10:06 pm] |
| [ | how i'm feelin |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | what i'm listenin' to |
| | ringtone | ] |
quiet day, i've just been talking with Aeryn and Sarah all day online. my canadians rock, man! they're sweet and cool and kinda weird. so we've been talking and being random...turns out i kind of tuned Sar into the fact that she's bi. *grins* eyebrow ring...y'know, the drinking age is lower in Canada, and they have some nice colleges up there...i could get used to the cold, right? so yeah, talked there, made a date for tomorrow with billy. going to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...i can't believe the femmeified my Johnny Depp! and he's still really sexy. but yeah, so movie and dinner tomorrow night. and apparently i'm not allowed to pay. *goofy grin* and it's just billy, so it's not like it's serious or anything. dude, this Duff song is fitting my life...they know my name, they think they know everything, but they don't know anything about me.
so a good line there. talking with Aeryn now. Billy just texted, he won me a little puppy dog at the boardwalk. lol uh oh. Aeryn's on the warpath for the person in Ohio who fucked with me online. ...maybe i should specify it more than tall, athletic, wants to screw around with me when i come for a college visit...there's more than one person. huh. oh well, here's more info for her going into the aeryn convo. uh oh, that poor guy. lol the only thing left of him'll be little cubes scattered throughout the oceans. funny, we started out kind of fighting over Sarah, but now we're totally protective of each other. someone hurts one of us, and the other's ready to attack with any weapon-you name it. axe, gun, lead piping...she heard that someone got me really upset a few days before i left NJ and she was ready to get her ass down to the US before i told her that i was dealing, i could handle it, and it wasn't the first time i'd been hurt, it wasn't a big deal. she told me i was full of shit, but hey, i got a text from that person a few days ago, so Aeryn listens at least. lol. gotta run, get ready for my date. heh, i probably shouldn't wear the jeans that are just seams, huh?
later
chris |
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